It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
