I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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