I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
