So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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