yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
