I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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