It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
