Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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