Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
