Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
