who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
