he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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