Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
