just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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