I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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