Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
