I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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