he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
