I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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