Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
