I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
