First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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