I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
