i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
