hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were trust falling into bushes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
