Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
