I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
