If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
