I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
