If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
