Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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