Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
