Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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