This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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