whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
