Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
