Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
