That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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