4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
