you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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