Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
