Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
