Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
