True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
