if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
should my penis look like a turkey
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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