I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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