Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Help. Why am I so naked?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
