giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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