Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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