Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
