Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
